Fear

I have this fear.

Fear that it will never happen.

Fear that if it happens, it will just be ordinary.

Fear that there will be no magic, no spark.

Fear that it will not be special.

Fear of indifference and vanilla-flavored memories.

Fear that important details will go unnoticed.

Fear that no one will be excited.

Fear that I expect too much.

Fear that I will only be disappointed in the end.

Fear of being lost and forgotten.

So I guess I have a lot of fears.

Not fair

It just doesn't seem fair. The emotional burden is not fairly balanced between both parties. And what is almost always the case, the one party is completely unaware, most likely oblivious, to the suffering of the other.

Why does it seem that we are built this way? Why do these things effect us so much more deeply than it does the other person? Why is intense sadness almost always followed by extreme anger?

I don't understand any of it. All I know is that it doesn't seem fair. Not fair at all.

Waiting, part II

I am once again waiting. Waiting for something to happen.

And it's killing me because this time I know that it will not happen.

Unless by some miracle the fates decide to align and grant me this one wish, this particular thing will most likely not happen.

Because why would it happen? Why would it happen to me? Why would this particular situation be any different than the other situations?

And yet, I wait. And I feel I grow more and more pathetic each day I sit here and wait and dream and imagine.

I hate waiting.

Not This, But That

Not this, but that

I wish I could take it back

I didn’t mean to end it this way

Not this, but that

The way it used to be

When we were both happy

Not this, but that

Remember when we were in love?

Remember when you used to care?

Not this cold, angry distance

But that warm, loving closeness

Can we go back to that?

Not this, but that

I said I would leave

I didn’t really mean it

Not this, but that

You said you would leave

You didn’t really mean it…right?

Not this, but that

Remember when we were in love?

Remember when you used to care?

Not this cold, angry distance

But that warm, loving closeness

Can we go back to that?

Not this, but that

Loneliness doesn’t suit you

And I’m not taking to it either

Not this, but that

Why don’t you come back?

We can make this right

Not this, but that

Remember when we were in love?

Remember when you used to care?

Not this cold, angry distance

But that warm, loving closeness

Can we go back to that?