Waiting

In recent years I have realized that I have no patience. I hate waiting. I hate anticipation. And I especially hate waiting when I have no guarantee that the something I am waiting for is actually going to happen. I get anxious. I get distracted. I am too easily lost in my own thoughts and fears.

I'm waiting for something to happen right now. And there is no guarantee that it will actually come. But I am waiting nonetheless. Hoping that it will come, that it will happen. Hoping that all of my waiting and anxious emotions are not in vain. Imagining how it will all play out if it does happen. Trying not to think how I'll feel if it doesn't happen.

But I guess I should be used to the disappointment by now. Well-acquainted with the emotions that come in that exact moment when I realize that all of my waiting and anticipation and hoping and imagining was a waste of time, energy and mental anguish.

And yet, I still wait. I still anticipate and imagine and hope. Because someday something will happen. So I wait.

I hate waiting.