The Strong One

Dear Mom:

I'm sorry that we don't talk like we used to. Life is not as simple as it was just those short years ago. There is a lot more confusion and uncertainty and I don't know what to say to you. I don't know how to tell you that I am slowly dying inside - all of my fears and insecurities are slowly suffocating any chance of happiness I thought I might feel. I don't know how to explain that I have no idea what I am doing with my life and the thought of making the wrong decision terrifies me. I'm sorry that I seem distant and disinterested. I just can't muster enough emotion to pretend that everything is okay. You can probably here it in my voice; I know my "I'm fine"-s don't work on you anymore. I don't know how to admit that I am failing and am in desperate need of someone to tell me what to do. I can't show weakness because I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to be the normal one. I'm supposed to be the one you don't worry about. I'm supposed to know what to say and what to do to make things right. But the truth is, I have not known what to say and what to do for a really long time. So instead of actually telling you how I'm feeling, I don't say anything at all. I'm sorry that I am too proud and afraid to tell this to you personally. I hope you understand - I'm supposed to be the strong one.

Love, Me